Figuratively speaking.
Running away is a serious issue; it's difficult and stressful for more than one party involved. When I think about runaways, I think about children. There are countless of stories about child runaways, and when I heard them while growing up... I romanticised it. Running away somehow became running for. I saw it as people taking fate into their own hands, people being adventurous and seeking independence. I saw runaways as main characters of their own stories, fighting through their own struggles and conflicts. And as a writer, I was inherently drawn to this concept. But as I mentioned before, running away is a serious issue.
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| "Going away by train" by Kristina Alexanderson |
I got so caught up with these thoughts that I forgot: at the end of the day, it is still called running away. And running away is the exact opposite of facing something, of standing up to something. It's the opposite of courage and tolerance. Running away literally means leaving--leaving problems and issues behind for others to deal with. Running away is being insecure and selfish.
As Dr. Krishna Prasad Sreedhar (Former Professor and Head of the Dept. of Psychology, University of Kerala) puts it in his article, children run away because they are "insecure, as they are emotionally immature." They run away as an impulse reaction. They run away as a form of "escapism."
And as a figurative runaway, I'm sorry.
I ran away from all my obligations and assignments. I ran away because all the work I had piled up simply caved in inside my mind. And instead of digging myself out of the rubble, I just sat there and did everything that sounded interesting. Everything that sounded easy and simple. Basically, everything that required as little work as possible.
And that was selfish of me.
Even though I've never ran away physically (partly due to being a horrible runner), I countlessly ran away from problems when confronted by them. It was just the easier choice--made even easier by my excuses. I spoiled myself, thinking that it's "okay," and I was just being "human." Which is true, I guess... but at some point, it shouldn't be "okay," it should be "time." At some point, being "human" shouldn't be continually making mistakes, but growing into yourself and becoming a better version. Which is why, after a few months of running away, I'm posting this and kick-starting my productivity.
I may not be "emotionally mature" yet, but I am now running towards that goal instead of away from it. And that, at least, is something.